Style Invitational Week 1093: You’re only as rich as you fee—send us bad business ideas Plus the neologisms the Losers discovered in a word-search grid (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers October 9 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1089, our word-search neologism contest) *$1 “deplaning fee,” payable just after landing, to defray the cost of bringing the jetway to the airplane and opening the door.* *Anti-spam software that sends you a text to let you know each time it blocks an unwanted e-mail, so you’ll appreciate how effective it is.* And that’s why “the cat’s pajamas” means a really good thing: Crocheted Un-pajama-clad cat-butt coasters, this week’s second prize. (Pat Myers) Did you see that Marriott was fined $600,000 last week by the FCC for jamming guests’ personal WiFi hotspots so they’d have to pay its hotels’ exorbitant connection fees: $15 a day per device and sometimes as much as $1,000? Mark Raffman did, and being a Style Invitational Loser (not to mention a lawyer), he immediately thought: *What are some more really bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks?* As in Mark’s examples above. Outrageous real-world examples are also welcome; just make that clear. Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a delightful set of four crocheted coasters in the shape of a cat’s behind , each complete with a little curved tail and a little star-shaped pink dot in the center. Created by Shanna Compton of the Etsy shop Hooks and Balls, and donated to the Invite by Diane Wah. *Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate or Puns of Steel. First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com / or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 20; results published Nov. 9 (online Nov. 6). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest. Include “Week 1093” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . This week’s honorable-mentions subhead was submitted by both Beverley Sharp and Tom Witte. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ,/ and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at /bit.ly/inkofday. / *The Style Conversational * The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . THE WORDS THEY ‘FOUND’NEOLOGISMS FROM THE WEEK 1089 WORD-SEARCH GRID In Week 1089, the Empress posted the word-search grid pictured below (or here ) and asked you to “discover” new words by snaking a path through the grid. (The squiggles pictured showed that week’s examples, “crudelet” and “chatox”.) Not surprisingly, you found plenty of neologisms — there were well over 1,000 entries — especially the ones that included the letter series S-E-X. The coordinates below refer to the position of the first letter. (Grid constructed with the instant online word search maker at puzzle-maker.com) The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial *F-12: CRIMEA VISIT: *Term for guests who overstay their welcome, and then announce they own your house. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va,) 2nd place and the book ‘The World’s Worst Jokes’ *D-11: NOTIGAN: *The sweater your aunt knits for you, every birthday, every year. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) 3rd place *F-12: CLINTONHOLE:* A term conservatives use in front of their children while talking about someone they don’t like. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.) 4th place *J-8: DANGRY: *Only mad enough to use pseudo-curse-words. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.) GRIDLACKS: HONORABLE MENTIONS *A-6: BUNSEC:* The maximum time a guy can ogle before getting caught. (Keith Waites, Frederick, Md.) *A-11: OH-NOTION: *An astonishingly bad idea. “Abercrombie’s kiddie thong [a real thing!] was an obvious oh-notion to everyone but the marketing team.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *B-6: SUNNY SAM: *A cheerful serial killer. (Dawn Kral, La Plata, Md.) *B-8: EYEJACK: *To steal a glimpse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) *B-9: DINGHO:* Australian term for an ugly hooker. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *C-4: I AM BUNGHOLE: *Amazingly honest working title of Donald Trump’s autobiography. (William C. Kennard, Arlington, Va.) *C-4: iSECRETS: *Internet secrets; i.e., not secrets. (Frank Osen) *C-6: SECULAY: *The opposite of ChristianMingle. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.) *C-11: SNIRI: *Smartphone assistant who replies in a mocking tone. “You /don’t /know the capital of Australia!?” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh) ** *D-8: JESTATE: *To have a pun in the oven. (Jeff Contompasis) *E-6: DUMACIN: *Pending FDA approval, the first drug to treat chronic stupidity. (Frank Mann, Washington) *E-10: BANKULA: *A financial institution whose existence depends upon its ability to suck your blood, er, money. (Kim Adam, Glen Allen, Va., a First Offender) *F2: RUDE-CAFE: *Where Gordon Ramsay got his start. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.) *F-10: FINNY: *Ichthysterical. “Dory was so finny that the other fish almost dried themselves laughing.” (Kevin Dopart) *F11: RIMUET:* The little dance a basketball does around the hoop before it goes in . . . or not. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) *F-14: MAXIWAD:* The half-pound of emergency toilet paper every teenage girl has at one time used to make it through the school day. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *G-10: TRUEL:* Way more honest than you need to be. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) *I-10: SEXTS ED:* One class where teaching the abstinence-only method actually makes sense. (Danielle Nowlin) *I-12: FUTIME:* The last day at that job you hate. (John Folse, Bryans Road, Md.) *J-3: CULTURD:* An overbearing, snotty critic. (Jeff Loren, Manassas, Va.) *K-12: DEDATED:* Broke up with. (Jeff Loren) *M-12: BAD SPORT:* The kind I &*%$ lose at. (Danielle Nowlin) *N-3: LORDE CULT:* Fanatical anti-royalists. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.) *N-13: EUROPIUM:* An element that seems stable when bonded with bureaucratium, but eventually comes unglued. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.) *O-3: FLEECOLI:* Intestinal bug that causes one to make a quick exit. (Pam Sweeney) *O-13: REBAY: *Getting rid of junk you bought online. “I can’t believe Mom didn’t like this taxidermy squirrel. I guess I’ll have to rebay it.” (Jacob Aldridge, Brisbane, Australia) *P-4: COEN RINSE:* A splatter of blood from, say, a wood chipper. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.) *P-5: BLEEPLY:* How every character talks in “The Wolf of Wall Street.” (Jeff Loren) *P-13: PRE-BEST:* New, encouraging report card category, to replace “needs improvement” or, heaven forbid, “failing.” (Sally Stokes, Silver Spring, Md.) *Q-3: SELF-BORE:* What you wish boring people would do. (William Kennard) *Q-3: SLUBBY THE HUN:* Attila’s useless brother. (Ward Kay) *R-7: PUNX:* Tricks someone into planning for six more weeks of winter. (Matt Monitto) /And Last:/ *C-10: TOILIT:* Bathroom reading. “I always leave the week’s Invitational in the bathroom as toilit for our guests.” (Curtis Morrison, Chesapeake, Va., a First Offender) /And Even Laster:/ *R-7: PUNTUB:* The Empress’s rejection vat. (Jeff Loren) *Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest for comical fundraising challenges a la the Ice Bucket. Seebit.ly/invite1092. * *Next week’s results: * *Talk Undirty to Us, *or *Fauxcabulary,* our contest to write a poem using one of the rude-sounding but actually wholesome words we supplied. See bit.ly/invite1090. (Alternative title by Beverley Sharp)